The beginning of term is always full of tension for me as I debate how to approach my son's new class teacher. Should I meet her straight away so she knows exactly what she is dealing with or should I wait and let her work it out for herself?
For me both are fraught with danger. Experience tells me that it is hard to predict how a teacher will react. Tell them early and the teacher can be offended that you didn't trust them to work it out for themselves or you don't think they know how to deal with gifted children. However if you leave it too long your child may become frustrated, bored and not want to go to school at all.
Each year is different as teachers have been trained differently and have very different views and experiences of gifted students. We have experienced a whole range, from teachers who seem very receptive but then do nothing to challenge or differentiate to teachers who focus only on my child's deficits and don't even mention something positive. From my son's point of view some teachers are fascinated by him and want to work out what makes him tick while others make it their mission to 'take him down a peg or two'. Of course my son is not perfect, he has his strengths and weaknesses but he should be supported to learn something new and progress in line with his abilities.
Gifted children perhaps more than other children can be very sensitive to their teachers perception of them and the way they interact. Many instinctively know when teacher is not being genuine or if the teacher is frustrated with them. First impressions do last and for my son at least, if the first week does not go well in his eyes then the whole year is doomed! Of course this not completely true but a child's feelings and motivation for school can make huge difference to their performance in school and their behaviour at home. Many teachers have never had the experience seeing their children change from a motivated enthusiastic learner with one teacher to a demotivated school refuser with another. Even in terms of social relationships the teacher sets the tone, if the teacher clearly values your child's contributions other children will be positive and even aspire to be like your child. However if the teacher shuts the child down and doesn't let them contribute because they think your child is a 'know it all', children in the class will follow suit and think it is ok to put the child down.
Despite all the concerns and pitfalls, our only cause of action is to try to communicate and work with the class teacher. Although nothing is guaranteed, here are a few things that I have learnt along the way:
1. Collect evidence or specific examples of what your child does at home - this could be photographs, notes or pictures of things that your child really enjoys doing or is motivated by. Focus on things that are outside the school curriculum but really showcase your child's advanced ability.
For example, when my son was in nursery I brought in a 'ruler ' he had made himself with the numbers up to 20 on it and explained how he used it to measure furniture around the house. The teacher was both amused and interested and understood that this was not typical of most 3 year olds.
2. Avoid quantifying your child's ability or bringing in exercises or tests that prove they are at a particular grade level. Instead highlight your child's talents in terms of enthusiasm and anecdotes. Instead of saying "my child just completed a Year 4 test in maths" try saying 'My child loves doing calculations on the way to school, yesterday he was trying to work out how many minutes in a month' or instead of "my daughter is reading books for 12 year olds" try saying 'my daughter loves reading the Young Elites series, she doesn't want to put it down even at dinner time'
In the past, wishing to be helpful I have brought in test papers my son did at home thinking it would help to the teacher to pitch at the right the level more easily. While the teacher may smile and say thank you, I have found the tests are usually put in a cupboard and returned untouched at the end of the year. Teachers will always insist on finding your child's level themselves.
3. Never use the word 'bored'. Even if your child is bored this word will provoke a bad reaction from the teacher. They will stop listening to you and reel off all the activities that your child struggles with and any fact that your child did not seem know. This is a road to nowhere. Try to think of an example of something your child has enjoyed in school and mention that your child is keen to do more of this. For example 'My son loved it when your asked him to share what he knows about space probes, maybe he could bring a book in to share with you'. If you make a positive comment you can then point out something that was not so good. ' He really wished he could have used hundreds when you were learning how to add 3 numbers'
4. Avoid the blame game. If your child had a 'bad' year last year try not to spend your valuable meeting criticising another teacher. Draw a line under the experience and try to put your trust in the new teacher. Even within the same school teachers have very different views and practices. Give the new teacher a chance without projecting the old teacher's actions or failings on them.
5. Acknowledge your child's shortcomings but do not let this be the main focus for the meeting. It is good for teachers to see that you have realistic view of your child. However if the teacher just focuses on these things and doesn't challenge or allow opportunities for your child to use their areas of strength and learn new things, the child will not be motivated to work on their weaknesses. I still remember one of our first parent meetings when the teacher only spoke about my son's poor social skills and motor skills and explained at length how we should focus on this. It was not a successful year!
6. Avoid suggesting specific solutions, teachers like to feel they are in charge at school and are the one who understands education best (even if you are a teacher yourself). A better strategy is to state your concern and ask the teacher how they think it is best to proceed. You could refer them to another teacher or professional if these people have worked positively with your child in the past. Very often it is best to let the teacher have time to think about things and suggest follow up meeting in a couple of weeks.
7. Keep calm in the meeting, you can always vent later! Getting angry or emotional is never going result in what you want for your child. Teachers will get the wrong impression of you and will be less willing to listen to or consider what you are saying. When they feed back to their line manager, which they will, the focus will be all about your attitude rather than what you actually said or requested. This will also make the teacher (and possibly other teachers) less receptive in future meetings.
8. Keep a neutral tone. This is a tough one as giftness is very emotive if your family is affected by it. It is not a set of theories but you and your child's life that are at stake. I have been on several training courses about gifted children when teachers discuss what may or may not be good for gifted students. They say things with little knowledge of what it really like to parent a gifted child. I feel myself getting emotional inside and wanting to shout 'Don't you care!' or 'Can't you see how important this is'. But for many teachers it is just another 'fad' or drain on their time or something interesting but not that important. Try to be patient and explain your view as clearly as you can.
9. Try to come some sort of agreement even if it is on one small issue or step. The teacher may not be able to take on board everything you would like at once. They may even feel a little overwhelmed or unsure. Your child may be the first gifted child they have been aware of. However if your child responds positively to something the teacher implements, this will lead to more opportunities for your child to be catered for. Keep notes about what was agreed and follow this up at your next meeting.
10. Do go higher if necessary. Teachers are very sensitive to criticism and sometimes misunderstand what we are trying to say. A headteacher or deputy head may be much more willing to listen to your concerns and may be more open minded. It is their job to listen to parents concerns and investigate properly to find out what is actually happening. They may also have more knowledge about giftedness and understand why you are concerned.
Good luck, remember parent teacher meetings can be daunting for teachers too!
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